Roomate is tired of having to compromise with her roommates, leaving her always with the things she didn't want, so she finally stands up for herself: 'I’m constantly the person who has to move around to make everyone else comfortable.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 18, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

Compromise is a two-way route.

The roommate lifestyle that most students engage with in college has always sounded so good to me. It feels like living with friends and getting to hang out with them all the time. Or at least that's how movies usually portray it. Maybe the media has lied to me a little because all the stories in u/roomateprobles seem to differ from the concept that I had in mind. It seems like even if you start being friends with your roommate, you might as well end up hating them after a few months of living together.

It's true that for two or more people to live together, they have to compromise, but both of them have to. It feels like some roommates are either too entitled or too dumb to notice that one of them is constantly compromising and complying with demands to about arguing while the other is just enjoying all the perks without making any sacrifices. To live together in peace, every roommate has to be mediating, not just one, while everybody else takes advantage of this person. The idea of having a roommate is sharing a living space, not hating each other till one moves out when fed up with all the toxicity. If you are a functional adult, you should be able to live peacefully with somebody else.

In this case, I think that this poor roommate needs to find new roommates to live with her. These people, except the so-called Sophie who just seems to be who everyone discards like a toy, are taking advantage of her kindness to get whatever they want without compromising one bit. It's not only extremely unfair but also evil. There is no reason for someone to be getting whatever they want while some other person has to constantly put themselves second to avoid creating new issues. And what is worse, this roommate seems to never get what she wants, and the one time she asked for it, it created a whole new drama. It's unfair, and I hope they start the others to compromise or she gets better roommates next year. 

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  • 01
    I'm starting college soon, and I'm dealing with a roommate situation that has gotten really complicated. I'm going to change everyone's names for privacy. There are four of us involved: me, "Maya," "Jordan," and "Sophie." Back in January, Maya and I originally chose each other as roommates. We were supposed to room together from the beginning, and we had been planning everything together for months.
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 02

    Rommate "Jordan" after getting the roomate he wanted

    A student spending time in his college bedroom. Image for illustrative purposes.
    via manny PANTOJA

    A student spending time in his college bedroom. 

    Image for illustrative purposes. 
     

  • 03
    Eventually, Jordan was having trouble finding a roommate, so we found Sophie. Sophie was basically a stranger to all of us because we met her months after Maya and I had already made our plans. Jordan eventually told us that she didn't really feel a connection with Sophie and didn't want to room with her. Because Jordan wanted to room with Maya, we ended up changing the roommate arrangement. I agreed to room with Sophie so that Maya and Jordan could room together. I had to basically start over w
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 04
    habits, what each other was comfortable with, what we liked, how we would live together, etc. I agreed to do this because I wanted everyone to be comfortable, and I also felt like Sophie was being left out of the group. I've actually been trying to include Sophie because she was the newest person and didn't have the same established relationship with everyone else. I stay up until 12 am and doing the housing assignment and add everyone to my group. Because first come first serve and I wanted us
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 05
    dorm. Then housing assignments came out on August 1st. Maya and I were assigned to Room A, while Jordan and Sophie were assigned to Room B. The next day, August 2nd, Maya talked about switching rooms so that she and Jordan could be in room A. I originally agreed that I would move to B. Then I actually saw a video of the rooms. Room B is significantly smaller. It was
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 06
    originally a single room that was converted into a double, while Room A is the larger room with more space and a bigger window. On August 6th, four days after Maya asked me about switching, I told her I had changed my mind and wanted to stay in Room A. I know changing my mind four days later isn't ideal, and I understand why she was frustrated. But I genuinely didn't understand what the rooms were like when I initially agreed to move. I thought I was choosing between two
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 07
    basically identical rooms. Once | learned that B was substantially smaller, I realized I wasn't comfortable giving up Room A. Especially after I've been doing the planning for the group, buying stuff for us, and staying up late to make deadlines for us and staying on top of them. Maya also told me that she's afraid of the dark and that she really wants Room A because it has a bigger window. But she told me this AFTER I had already told her that I changed my mind. She got upset and said she hates
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 08
    people do things last minute. I understand that, but I also feel like if we're going to consider the timing of my decision, we should consider hers too. She told me about her fear of the dark at basically the same time that I told her I was changing my mind. And this is where I'm conflicted. I told Maya that we could simply stay roommates because we were the original roommates and already had our arrangement. But she said she had grown such a strong bond with Jordan that she really wanted Jordan
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 09
    I don't have a problem with Maya and Jordan wanting to be roommates. My problem is that it feels like I'm constantly the person who has to move around to make everyone else comfortable. First, I changed my original roommate because Jordan wanted Maya and Maya didn't want to room with Sophie. Then I had to get to know Sophie (which was supposed to be Jordan's job), who was basically a stranger to me. (She's amazing btw) I've been trying to include Sophie
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 10
    because I don't want her to feel like the odd person out. And now I'm being asked to make another compromise and move from Room A to the smaller Room B so Maya can have Jordan as her roommate AND have the room she wants. At some point, I feel like I should be allowed to say no. My position now is basically: Maya + Jordan can be roommates. Me + Sophie can be roommates. Maya + Jordan can take Room B, and
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 11
    me + Sophie can stay in Room ** I'm not trying to stop them from being roommates. I'm not asking anyone else to move. I'm literally just saying that **I don't want to switch rooms anymore.** I told Residence Life that I'm sticking with Room A. The others have apparently been emailing them saying they want to switch roommates, so Residence Life is now asking all of us to reply-all and confirm the arrangement before they make any changes. I feel bad because I know I originally said I would move to
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 12
    acknowledge that I changed my mind four days later. But I feel like I made that decision based on incomplete information, and I don't think agreeing to switch roommates should automatically mean I have to give up my room too. I also feel like Maya and Jordan's friendship is being prioritized over my comfort. They get the roommate they want, the room they want, and I get moved into the smaller room even though I was originally assigned to the larger one. At the same time, I understand Maya's pers
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 13
    Jordan, and I initially told her I would move. So I can see why she feels like I went back on my word. But I also feel like Maya can't be upset about me changing my mind four days later when she told me about her own concern with the room at basically the same time.
    via Plenty_Negotiation85
  • 14

    The university where all this happens

    A university college building seen from the outside. Stock photography for depiction only.
    via Michael Marsh

    A university college building seen from the outside. 

    Stock photography for depiction only. 
     

  • 15
    Ok_Breakfast7588 They knew what they were doing when they asked you to switch rooms. They wanted the bigger room. When you learned the same information you also wanted the bigger room. Any other reason they give you is a lie. These people will continue to take advantage of you as long as you let them.
    via Ok_Breakfast7588
  • 16
    MrsQuirkyLlama Sounds like Sophie is drama free so far. Keep her and the big room.
    via MrsQuirkyLlama
  • 17
    mommaclicks Afraid of the dark? Valid even as an adult. She can get a nightlight/moodlight. Solved! NTAH. It would be very valuable in your young life to learn not to people please, or you will continue to be taken advantage of. Regardless of changing your mind, you were assigned that room, so stay in it.
    via mommaclicks
  • 18
    Jaded_Trip5482 NTA. If you dont stand up for yourself now they will keep walking over your boundaries. If being afraid of the dark is legitimate, other solutions exist (night lights or lamps, which would be needed anyways...).
    via Jaded_Trip5482

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